fuck everything

fuck you for never making the time to listen to all the things i needed to say.
fuck you for always thinking i was wrong.
fuck you for ever doubting me.
fuck you for trying to make me be someone im not.
fuck you for all the abuse you gave me over the time.
fuck you for taking advantage of me when i was grieving for my mother.
fuck you for all the lies you told.
fuck you for thinking your family was perfect and i was getting in the way.
fuck you for forgetting all i did for you.
fuck you for thinking i was useless.
fuck you for leaving me to cry it out on my own.
fuck you for making me hurt myself.
fuck you for making me feel like it was my fault you cheated on me.
fuck you for not giving me space when i needed it.
fuck you for thinking everything would be okay.
fuck you for the fact that i could never write down all the things i could say about what you've done.
fuck it, here's a big fuck you to the world and all the one's in it that have done things to me.
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.

Sometimes I just stop everything and think about how beautiful u are. And everytime, I wish you could stop in that same moment and see how much I care.

♥

Why do you come by if you're leaving?

And why do you give all the way in to take it back?

You're the best thing I never knew I needed.

Beyond Control

Meeting you was fate.
Becoming your friend was a choice
but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

0,0

♥

Worth Waiting For

The worst part of life is waiting.

The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for..

How To Deal?

How do you cope when the one you love
is with somebody else and there's nothing you can do about it.
How do you deal with
the fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do...

It's killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with her cause I chose to be.

Happy To See Them Happy

''The happiness you give makes you more happy than the happiness you receive.''

I feel so happy at this point in my life right now.
I saw my lovers happy with
their girlfriends now.
Well these lovers aren't just anyhow man,
they were sincere to me,
I saw their effort,

but that time i was so indecisive.
I pushed them away
and hurt them in some ways.

And for some reason when i saw them
happy with their new lovelife,
i just felt happy as well.

Coz back at the time and if I chose to be with
one of them
i would probably just hurt him,
not because im not loyal
but because I am a person of responsibilities..
I need to go oversea
and anywhere in the world
and i hate to think that I'm away
and they're there waiting for me
every single day..
missing me...
it's so absurd..

I guess it isn't my time yet.
And i know someday
when my life's journey is at the peek,
i hope to finally meet
the one who is set for me
and God should help me
and tell me''He's the one''.

One of them told me before,
Distance is not a problem with me
as long as you know you love her/him
it's not impossible to stay together.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. -He said.

And that time I was firm with my decision,
I cant bare for him to wait for me to come back everytime. :(

And see now,
he is happy with his new love :)

And it makes me happy too!

I made the right decision,
for him.

♥

You were full of shit.
But you knew exactly what to say.

Hard To Do Easy Things

I probably shouldn't say this but..
It's really stupid when something that could be so easy is being made so hard.
Maybe we're living in that old mindset again
but that's not how I want things to be.
I just find it funny that every single other person in the world
is able to just grin and bear it for a while,
because that's what they want to do.
I guess that's not what you want to do?
Kinda feels like the tables have turned a bit.
I've gotta admit that I'm pretty damn frustrated.

Good Intentions

Baby, do you understand me now,
sometimes I feel a little mad,
but don't you know that no one alive,
can always be an angel,
when things go wrong I seem to be bad...
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.

I Was His

looking back I remember every moment
where he made me feel on top of the world
I was the world, not only that

I was the sun, the moon, the sky, and all the stars in it
in those moments I was infinite, I was everything, I was his

Hopeless But Hoping

I don' t like getting my hopes up about you anymore.
Because the likelihood of anything happening isn't very high.
And even then, what's the point, right? But here I am hoping.

Cycle of Bad Doings

Nobody wants to ADMIT this but BAD things will keep on happening.

Maybe because its all a chain and a long time ago,
someone did the first bad thing
and that led to someone else to do another bad thing
and so on...

Wish It Was Me All Along

I sometimes just kinda really wish I was the right kind of person for you?
Because then maybe it wouldn't be so hard.

Helpless

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

No-one gives a shit, no-one understands, and no-ones helping.

I'm completely and utterly fucked. I can't cope.

What a Waste

This is your biggest mistake, what a waste, what a waste, what a waste.

FACT: The more you talk about that person to others,
the more you fall in love with that person.

Fight We Can't Win

Everyone is the same. We are all replaceable and completely unoriginal.
We are simply a product of past. Even our spontaneous behavior is predictable.
At least I'm at peace with it. Cause it's a fight you just can't win.

Goodbye

I'm sick and tired of the mess you made me,
Never gonna catch me cry,
You must be blind if you can't see,
You'll miss me till the day you die.

Change To Save Your Life

Sometimes, change is too much to bear.
But most of the time, change is the only thing saving your life.

I Know Better Now

I aint like that now. I know better .
I know now that people lie ,
and promises can be broken as quick as they are made .

I understand that I might never be loved ,
and too quickly good things fly in front of my eyes before I can reach out and grab them .

I know that I can’t change or help time,
so every now and then it will just run out.
There isn’t a place for everyone in the world,
so if you’re standing alone for awhile, that’s why.
Not everything in life comes easy ,
but when you work the hardest, that’s when it’s the best .
You can’t always expect people to care,
and even when your best friends stab you in the front,
don’t think for one minute that they didn’t already aim for your back.
They missed for a reason.
I have found out too soon, that in the end,
you are your own best friend .

Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not ,
its gonna hurt like hell .
But you can’t stop it. You can’t change your fate.
Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through
will end up resulting in something huge .
You don’t know what it is and when it happens,
it will hit you like a ton of bricks.

At some point, when you have experienced everything you can,
the words ‘Life’ and ‘Risk’ won’t mean anything to you anymore.

Someone You're Trying To Forget

Getting rid of the idea of a person is

harder than getting rid of a person.

Your Idea of Me

Your idea of me is fabricated with materials
you have borrowed from other people and from yourself.

what you think of me depends on what you think of yourself.

perhaps you create your idea of me
out of material you would like to eliminate from your own idea of yourself.

perhaps your idea of me is a reflection of what other people think of you.

or perhaps what you think of me is what you think what i think of you.

You made me a liar

I used to swear to anyone that would listen that I couldn't live without you.

You made me a liar.

Million Thoughts of You

I'm very much tired D:

I can't sleep D:

I have this million thoughts of you,

though i know not even one thought you have right now for me D:

This sucks.

This is literally stupid.

But how?

How could i help myself?

I'm tryna escape something that's been haunting me.

This is hopeless !

Weakest Link

What used to be was just a couple of days ago - this new days has changed the faltering feeling of loneliness; something in me, not my heart, is longing for those big sharp eyes and rude stare;

something is filling me with another kind of loneliness. I am longing for his stare; loneliness hurts much more than ever as days pass; as his face is fading from my memory.

I never meant to feel this way about him but now I understand why I do...

I get attached to these unknown presences of those who have looked into my hopeless brown eyes; they seem to create a hope with every glance and just like that I am being attached to strangers.

I suppose it is weakness.

Sticks and Stones

I thought I knew the difference between wrong and right,
but now I'm not sure I know my own name,
only what you call me.

Deep Down Inside

I don't know if you ever loved me,
I don't know if you know what love is.

I'm here to tell you it doesn't matter,
what you feel in your heart, that's what true.

It doesn't have to be all about me and you.

Things are always changing,
but these words are so we wont forget how it feels to be alive.

I'm just gonna go marinate in shame!!!

What is More Than Love

Sometimes I can't even let the word Love stand between us.
Cause it feels so much bigger than those four letters could hold.

She Knows

I don't think she ever blamed you if you didn't know how to say it.

She knows you love her.

Echoes Of My Mind

I don't know anymore what to say or even what to do.

I'm wordless, upset, vicious and simply tired.
Tired of having these feelings
frequently echoing through me in a violently changeable way.

Tired of hearing their voices,
seeing their faces and feeling their presence.
Tired of crying. I'm tired of everything.

The Passion

Careful when you date passionate people, cause passion swings both ways.

Sometimes they'll love you,

but other times they hate you....and when they hate you...

man they really hate you.

Come Back Soon

I can see it in your eyes when we talk. Wherever you are, come back soon.

♥

Words Make Me Weak

I need to be strong.
However it is quite hard as their words keep reducing my strenght.
I feel as they are making me weak -
as they are the ones pushing my head under the water.
I no longer know if it is melancholy what is drowning me.

I Trust Nobody, I Care Nobody

I no longer want to care - about anything.
I detest these feelings echoing through my mind,
these words arising from my feelings,
every single word I write.
I detest myself and who I am;
these tears; staining my face, my blurred eyes;
drowning me. I no longer want to talk;
everything feels insignificant; insignificant because I can trust nobody's words.

This World And You

The way I see the world is different from others;
except for you.
We are waiting each other
without knowing anything about each other
but the way we see the world.
I don't know if this world can wait for us long enough but I know I can.

No Courage

I am afraid of looking at you.

I am afraid I will fall in love with you.

And that is something I don't want to happen.

I am happy but still sad to know that I'll lose you soon.

Sleep Away the Reality

I wish I had the courage to step aboard a train and go as far as I can;
then come back to my comforting bed and sleep away the reality.

Strangers In-love

Oh, how easily we get attached to other people,
learn to love strangers,
yet how we never really surrender ourselves to love;
we never get to see how these strangers turn to familiar.

We long for someone to love,
and when we find that someone we get attached to
we still will not let ourselves
love fearlessly.

The way we love is complicated;
no matter how strong our feelings are,
we always keep thinking about taking a few steps back;

we want to either protect ourselves or others from something;

and eventually we wake up from our nightmares
when we have taken too many steps back to take any more forward.

It seems we tend to wake up too late.

Who Am i.

Who am I?

It seems, all I have is my past; and my past is what I do not have anymore;

I suppose, I am nothing.

I am the empty sky upon you; unseen by the eyes of the ones that are blessed with being blind to reality; happy people, I mean.

I am someone, a stranger, who won't look you in the eyes, who will walk past you with head down, whose eyes only meet the dirt on the ground.

I have never given the best of me; I've never let anyone see who I am; all they know about me is what I want them to think about me; nothing but lies. I am a liar, mean, selfish, negative girl, I curse, complain and grieve, too much, and I am nothing good;

but properly speaking, this is me in their eyes.

I can be a lot of things; but eventually they do not know who I am;
they have only seen my defense against the world.

Eventually I am the only one to know myself well. There is no-one who can feel what I am feeling; no-one but me can live my life for me.

The First Time I Met You

Loneliness is folding me tighter and tighter to its deep, dark sheet. I'm trying to grab on every damn opportunity of social situation; a risk I'd rather not take as there is someone I do not want to get to know better. Oh, how stupid I was when I thought it was going to be easy; not to pay attention to him. It all started with a meet-up plan we had and got worse when I heard his voice again for days..

My heart was beating fast and there was an odd feeling lying on the bottom of it when I was walking to find where he stood, knowing he was standing right in front of me, a few meters away from me. I felt vulnerable and weak knowing his eyes were drilling through me as I kept my head down. After getting up the nerve, I looked up and rose my eyes from the ground straight to his eyes; our eyes met for a second until I once again pressed my head down and he walked along. The second I looked boldly into his deep killing eyes I could feel my heart beating faster. That damn second changed my attitude towards those killing eyes and his arrogant staring. I started to like this someone who has , an arrogant way to stare, who is too curious and uninhibited.. Oh, he's making me confused; he is not only too different but also some years too much younger than me..

｡｡｡

It seems that no matter how much we want everything to go our way,
the universe has something already planned
and it is definitely the opposite of our wants.

Stranger of Your Own Reflection

Does anyone else sometimes feel like a stranger to their own reflection?
It's a very strange realization when you finally see yourself as others see you.

The End of Search

I think I figured it out, what I am looking for isn't something I've lost,
it's something I've never had to begin with.
Maybe now I can stop looking.

Where Have You Been All My Life?

It felt like two people meeting each other,
after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other.

She Took Him Away

You can tell when you look at them
that it's everyone else who made them this way.
Or maybe just, someone else.

So Close, Yet So Far

I can see it in your eyes when we talk.
Where ever you are, come back soon.

You are Powerful

The world made me cold.
You made me water.
One day we'll be clouds.

You're my Sunshine

I'm the frozen ground,
You're the warm sunlight...
Shinin' down on me :)
baby just in time ♥

Talk is Cheap

I'd love to hear what people mean
instead of the things they say.
I always hear what they say.
Especially if it's what I want to hear.

Halfway Gone

Talk is Cheap.
Give me a word,
You can keep.

Can I Keep You

“You can feel that he wants to own you - not like an object but like a good dream he wants to keep having. He lets you know that you already own him.”

—	Melissa Bank, The Girls’ Guide to Fishing and Hunting

The Kiss

Damn i just can't stop kissing you!

The Progress

Live like nature.
Explode slowly,
day by day, from the center outwards.
You won’t notice how brightly you burn
or how big you’ve grown until you look back.
And then you will be amazed.

The Reality

Other people will suck the reality off of you sometimes,
make you suddenly self conscious of who and what you are.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Let the feeling wash over you, accept it,
and move on past it.
You seemed really concerned about this
when you were younger.

It's Hard To Admit

It's crazy.
Have you ever cracked on jokes to someone
yet all you wanna do
is to share what you really feel inside?

Damn It's True

Some Facts:

-When you face many choices, you will confuse to choose one.

-People cry not because love ends, but because it still continues even if it's over.

-Women want a man to be gentle and rough at the same time.

-Once you lose someone, it's never exactly the same person who comes back.

-girl is unique; they want you to know how they feel but they don't want to tell you.

-When you do something, you must have the reason. If you don't have, ask yourself why you do that.

-Girls, not every boy is a jerk. Be smart to choose who deserves to win our hearts, cause we're special.

-Everybody can change, they just have to be willing to.

Scars Don't Matter

If you find someone interesting,
you become curious.
Then you will have this conversation
called
"getting to know you,
getting to know me''
But then you will find out something
in his/her past
that you may not like
or so much unlike you.

Before you tell yourself
" I feel discourage''
Think again first.
Even the person herself can't change her/his past.
And you had nothing to do with her/his past either.

If you're really interested on the person,
be at the moment,
you are the one
who's outta be with her/his in her/his
present.

And it's your chance to fill in the new chapter of her life.

Isn't it amazing?

♥

Think about it ;)

Becareful What You Wish For

But be prepared
sometimes,
wishes come true.

And if life didn't come
with strings attached
how would we hold
ourselves together?

How could i hold on to you?

Change or Remain The Same

They told me,
''Be the change you want to see in the world.''
But I've seen enough changes.
Maybe it's time to see the one thing
that stays the same. >.<

Fake or Real

I really don't know what's real or fake anymore? D:
could SOMEONE HELP ME.
No, wrong,
that someone could be a good actor too.
I, myself can only
figure this out.
But then,
i need to get into the hole of the needle first. D:

or

I may get myself hurt first
to know if it was real or NOT. :(
yes,
True & Disappointing.

That's my life.

I always end up NOTHING to someone ! =(

To Hurt or Be Hurt

it's better to get hurt than to hurt someone.

so this is what i get from ignoring someone who really cares for me,
now i have to suffer from every other jerks
just because i cant care more for the one who cares for me.

It's so sad when you can never like someone who likes you
and you have to pay for it. D:

Unloved

It hurts when you start feeling
that no one cares for you anymore,
but it would hurt much more if the person
you cared for the most proves to you,
that what you feel is exactly
what that person wants you to feel:UNLOVED